Dear Mama…….
These posts include questions submitted by readers of MamaLuvsBooks and my response (advice), and remember this is just my personal advice and I am not a professional. Take my advice as you will. I love to hear any questions you have that you would love someone to answer for you. Just click on the “Dear Mama” tab above to submit your questions for next week. Here are the first three questions for this week.
Question #1:
My child, age 4, does not even seem interested in reading at all. What should I do?
Answer #1:
I think the best way to get your child interested in reading is to model the behavior yourself. Make sure you are reading with your child, showing them how much fun it is, taking your child to the library and book store, letting them find something that is interesting for them while you look for something interesting to you as well, and make sure you are reading around them and have books in the house. If you are just telling them to go read, but you are sitting in front of the TV they will just think it’s a punishment or something they have to do that’s not fun. Just my two cents…..
Question #2:
My kids keep fighting with each other all day!!! Kill me now!!! Help!
Answer #2:
I am not sure the situation, are they at home bored or out doing activities and still fighting? I know that personally my kids fight more when they are bored. Don’t get me wrong, they will pick other times to fight as well, but it seems like if I have them engaged in playing a game, doing an activity, or if we are out and about doing something fun then the fighting is less. They actually enjoy being around one another when they are doing something fun and engaging. Just my two cents….
Question #3:
What do you do if you often feel like you’d be better off living without your husband but you DO still love him and you have three kids together? In some ways I would be happier but then I also wouldn’t have any backup with the kids, support or someone who loves me. How much do you put up with though if your personalities and sometimes morals and priorities clash?
Answer #3:
That’s a tough question. I think my best response is to tell you that if you are being mentally, verbally, or physically abused, then you should leave. If it’s a matter of just clashing personalities, then I would actually seek outside advice and see a counselor to work on your relationship. Counselors can provide some great strategies and exercises to work on building your relationship back up and making it stronger. You both need to be willing to make it work and give a little. It’s hard after being married for so many years, and having kids does take a toll as the marriage usually gets put in the back seat. Sometimes you just need to focus back on the marriage itself and find what it was that made you want to be together in the first place. Go on a date night, put the marriage first for a while (which I know is hard with kids around), and focus on the personality traits you DO like about each other instead of the ones that bother you. The healthier your marriage is, the healthier your kids and family will be as a whole. If you argue constantly, then I would make sure it is not around the kids. And I would never stay together “just for the kids,” but you had said you do love him so I think the ingredients to make it work are there. It will just take some time and some work. Marriages grow, evolve, and change, just as we do as people. Work on it together. It will make for a happier you, marriage, and family. Just my two cents……
What do you think? What advice would YOU give these readers?
Some spot on advice here! One of the good things about having one child is the bickering and fighting with each other. My son doesn’t have anyone to fight with. 🙂 As for question #3 – if they can’t or don’t want to talk with a counselor, maybe they could talk with their pastor or find a pastor from a local church to talk to (someone who can be objective). Great post!
I’m still trying to get my kids to read and they’re teenagers!! LOL! I LOVE when they have reading assignments at school!
Great answers to some great questions!
Great advice Kristin! I love how you really put thought into the answers, despite some short questions!! Great job and look forward to seeing more of these!!!
Some sound advice there. Im still trying to get my now teenagers to read, the older they got the less interested they have become, owning a bookshop you can imagine how said it is !
Great advice~ 🙂
I love your answer to #3. My mom use to tell be that I may not like my husband all of the time (or even years at a stretch) but as long as you love him there is always a way. I have not been married that long but I keep telling myself that on the bad days and hopefully will make it another five years. Good luck #3!
My grandma gave me the same advice!!! I looked side-wise when she said the years at a stretch part but thankfully I haven’t gotten to that roadblock in our marriage.
GREAT advice! I quickly learned that love isn’t always a ‘feeling’… it’s an action and you can choose to show it or not. There are always going to be times when people who share a living space don’t get along. I think it’s important to remember vows made before God and to try to work through differences (as long as no one is being put in harm’s way, of course)
Great advice 🙂 What an awesome idea for a column. Keep up the great work!
Excellent advice, I look forward to coming back for more!
Good advice.
I second seeking counsel at your church if you cannot afford a therapist. Sometimes you just need an objective third party. Also, I think it is so easy to get wrapped up in what our spouse doesn’t do or help with and forget about or overlook what he does contribute.
Also you need to be happy with yourself to be happy with your spouse. If you are unhappy it can be beneficial to look at ways to make your personal time more fulfilling. Easier said than done with small children of course.
As the asker of question #3 – I appreciate your answer thank you. It’s basically what I was thinking but it’s hard to be subjective in your own situation. No abuse here, thanks again.
I agree with your answer to question# 1 entirely!! My love of reading came from both my mother and father reading to me from a very young age on–as my Mom still jokes–I would request the same book read at least 2 or 3 times-but then again–it was bedtime and they were tired–I wasn’t!! Reading and letting them participate by looking at and discussing the pictures is also a great way to get kids interested!!
I love the reading question- you are perfect to answer and I love your answer! I think for #3- therapy would be a great option.
What a great question and answer article. Really good ides. I agree with alot of what your answers are. Thanks for sharing 🙂
This is a great idea and I think you should keep running these. This also reminds me…I was raised by my grandparents for a time and it dawned on me that they *never* argued. When I asked them about this years later they laughed and said that they argued quite often, they’d just go for a drive and park somewhere to do it.
These are great answers Kristen! Well done! Can’t wait to see what other tough questions you may get to answer!
Some great advice. My kids learned to love to read when we moved and they left all their friends behind. They got so bored they started reading all the time. Of course limiting screen time is important too…
Great advice, Kristin!
Number one for sure is a biggie.
I grew up reading because I spent a lot of time with my grandparents who were huge readers. It had a big impact on me and I’ve continued with my own children who are almost 4 and 6. They’d rather read then do almost anything else — my almost 4 year old can’t quite read yet but is very close!
I loved your answer to #3. I think most people thing counseling is only for people on the verge of divorce, and it’s not! It can be used as a preventative, not just a last resort. Everyone needs a mediator at some point in their life. However, I do think that, barring some form of abuse, couples with children should swallow their pride do EVERYTHING possible to make it work for the kids’ sake. Divorce is SO hard on kids, even when they are grown and gone.
Good advice! =)
We got VERY lucky that the small fry here LOVES his books. He has about as many as we do. Every night, we read before bed… it’s a great bonding time and helps them with that love of ‘making a movie in their head’ love of books!
I’m sad for #3..
And glad Im done with #2’s situation!! Don’t miss that at all!!
Great advice! I love your new column idea. 🙂
Great advice for the reading question! I need to trek to the library More often with the kids! I agree with you on #3…sometimes we forget about ourselves when kids occupy our time. Relationships need to be maintained too!
What a cool new column!